Don-t STOP be-lieving

This past weekend I was blessed to share in Andrew and Megan’s wedding. It was a great celebration that left me with much more to think about than the pretty flowers and yummy cake. Love was openly expressed, honored, and remembered.

I could talk about…

…the intimate prayer time we shared with the bride on the eve of her wedding day

…when daughter and father first saw each other and hugged and cried

…how the groom looked upon his approaching bride and simply and softly spoke “You’re beautiful”

…the unscripted kiss on the check from the groom that could not wait to be told “You may kiss your bride”

…why the sound of Journey, the touch of Jon, and the sight Meg and Andrew together as one was a perfect ending

No, I will not get into the nitty-gritty-gonna-make-you-cry details. There are too many!! I will let the bride (who needs to reactivate her blog) do that.

I will however share a word that will describe an over-arching theme of their wedding. And, no it is not L word! It’s faithfulness. God’s faithfulness, his tenacity to make good on his promises, even though we are not all that good at keeping ours. It was encouraging to watch God answer so many prayers all in one day! Nothing beats watching a man and woman enter into the holy covenant of marriage. As Paul wrote, “This [marriage] is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all.”

A wedding day [or other significant occasions] is hard to relinquish to a God that is not even mentioned on theknot.com. Yet due to the immense importance we naturally place on a wedding day it is a perfect opportunity understand with even more conviction that God is faithful. That is, if we advance him such authority. Getting to experience faithfulness requires trusting that God is sovereign. The more we give God to regulate the more opportunity there is to experience his faithfulness.

Allowing others to take responsibility for details that personally involve our deepest desires is hard. Allowing God such responsibility is even harder since trusting his very existence requires faith. But be encouraged, our Lord understands that wedding days are important. He is worthy of our trust. Don’t forget that his first miracle was at such an occasion. Yes, the first time the world experienced the power of God through the incarnate son was at a wedding!

I know the benefits that come from trusting God to work out the details of life that are closest to your heart. God has his finger on our pulse, if only let him have his way with such intimate knowing. Not a word of God’s mighty promises he gives to humanity falls to the wayside. Each promise is amazingly spoken and powerfully made alive.  God has promised to work all things out for good.

I was most excited for Megan and Andrew because I knew that they had entrusted much to God. I am thankful for that because, as I wrote, it affirmed that God is indeed faithful.

Connecting with a toilet, women, and God

Have you ever had an automatic toilet flush while you were still sitting on it? Within a few short seconds, I had this happen not once but twice to me. I went from never living through such an experience to all of a sudden being able to say “been there, done that!”

Praise God that the toilet malfunctioning was not the highlight of my time spent this past weekend at the women’s retreat. And, the toilet was not the only thing (or person) that I now share a connection with (humor me here!). It was a truly edifying experience. Together we sat at the foot of the cross swapping stories and scripture.

As I wrote on my Facebook wall, I was excited but also anxious about going on the retreat. I was excited because I knew it would be a wonderful way to disconnect from the world and plunge deeper into the word. I also deeply hoped that it would help me build relationships with women in my church. Yet, because I did not know anyone, I was also very anxious.

During the first session, a woman encouraged us to lay aside any expectations we had concerning the retreat (…you know, those outcomes that your flesh is hoping for). “What a wonderful encouragement,” I said to myself because I struggle in doing just that. I find myself pre-supposing (did I just make up a word?) something, which is extremely different than practicing discernment, and totally not healthy. Unfortunately it took me a while longer to act out “laying my expectations aside.” I spent the first night and morning wrapped up in stress. I dearly wanted to connect with women, and found myself deeply distraught because it was not happening. Then, the Lord told me, “Do not worry about connecting with them, give me authority over that. You need to worry about connecting with me.” And so, I did. The Lord is so patient, so comforting, and so worthy of trust. By the end of the retreat I had indeed connected with women and with him! I worry how unsatisfied I would be feeling had I not listened the lord. And how much I would have missed!

Lesson learned: To live according to our flesh we definitely need oxygen yet to live out our communion with Christ we most assuredly need community.

My flesh is not okay with making new friends. Sometimes I feel like it is in direct opposition of meeting new people. Yet, my flesh is taken care of by God. And until it fails me in its ability to breathe, I’m good to go, and free to take care of other pressing needs. God designed me for community. He wants to share me with others. He wants to love others through me (as the other way around too). Therefore, I must step out. I must decide to live. Going on the retreat and opening myself up to community, allowed for me to know Christ in a more intimate way.

Lesson learned: Deciding to live is not just doing what God would want you to do, but loving and trusting that God will take care of what you would rather be doing.

I love having friends, but not so much making friends. So for me, deciding to live is allowing God to pull me away from my comfortable corner. This weekend I was picked up from a lonely place, a corner that I had ordered myself to take up, and lovingly carried to a table that I always belonged to sit at. And there I sat, accepted, comforted, and loved. I sat next to women I barley knew and shared my battles, burdens, and blessings. I know God wants to share me with strangers, yet I would rather kick it back with old friends. Having a shared history with someone is the sweetest thing. Yet, I have thoroughly contemplated living with out community, and I know that it is not what God wants.

I hope you will learn from my lessons and struggles and know that God has a place for you in the body of Christ. He wants you not just to be his son/daughter but to be a brother/sister to his other children. Yet  its more than what he wants, its also what you need.

Related Scripture:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. (Romans 12:1)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Loving on God’s love this Valentine’s Day

Love it or hate it Valentines Day is upon us. And, just when I was forming my opinion of Valentine’s Day God told me, “I love you, isn’t that something to celebrate on Valentine’s Day.”  Yes it is! Then I realized that one of the greatest aspects of God’s love is that we celebrate (or dread) Valentine’s Day – the calendar celebration of love – because God first loved us. Humanity knows what love is (even in the most tainted sense) because the Creator loves his creation.

On the fly I don’t remember the first time I told Mr. Jonathan Fontenot that I love him but I do clearly remember the night I questioned my ability to love him (according to God’s description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:4). Whenever I recall that memory a mixture of emotions rises in me: laughter, awe, and tearful joy. It was April 6, 2007 and I had decided to break down what love means and how I could successfully accomplish loving Jon. First, I read through the bible’s renowned love definition (as noted above) a couple times. Then I wrote each part of the verse on it’s own line (line one – patience, line two – kindness, line three…) making sure to leave enough room for journaling. By this time you probably get the picture, I was planning to tear this verse apart! I even used different colored pens! Well, after I finished journaling I sat back and cried (literally!). I thought to myself, “God you must be crazy! How am I supposed to do all this?” To which he replied, “I will help you, do not worry. Love him with my love.” Wow. Those words gave me enough confidence to eventually marry Jon and pledge to him my faithfulness. And today, in result of that experience, sometimes I’ll tell my husband, family, and friends, “I love you with God’s love.” No, it does not mean, “I don’t love you but at least God does!” It’s me admitting my inability give fully what is deserved, which is true love, but rejoicing that God can and does – and when I let him he’ll do it through me!

Loving someone (even your favorite person) is not easy but it is possible because of God’s love. God is on our side, especially when it comes to sharing his love with the world. Loving Jon was not a new idea I came up with. No, God already was in the business of loving Jon! Therefore, I found rest knowing that I was not charting into new territory but joining arms with God.

And to the same extent, noticing that you are not loved like others around you are loved is also hard (single, dating, or married). God’s love for us answers the question of whether or not we are worthy of love (Hint: The answer is we are! In fact we were created for it!). However, whether we feel unloved or abundantly loved by humans, we are completely loved by God. If you are waiting for a human to fill your love tank, you will be waiting an eternity. But today we can delight in true love by looking towards Christ. 1 John 3:16 says,  “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Love is not an idea God is simply endorsing it is his way of saving us. There is no greater love than God’s love. He created love and best exhibits it. 

Taking the Y out of DIY

Some of you asked for pictures of the wedding lasso that I made and here they are!

After searching and searching online for a wedding lasso to buy for my friends (the now married Cesar and Erica Hernandez!) I decided to make one myself. Well, to be honest, Jon had to talk me into it first – The whole do-it-yourself aspect was pretty intimating! After getting God’s take [encouragement] on the matter, I take off for Michael’s (because if you have a DIY project that is the place to start). After gathering my material I go to check out. So I'm checking out and talking to the cashier about the project. She asks, “So you must have made many before.” “No, this is my first one,” I reply. Then she stops and looks at me with a very worried gleam in her eye and says, “Well, God bless you!” To which I reply, “Yes, God bless me!”

All this to say: DIY does not have to be an all-by-yourself project. If you are courageously tackling a project outside of your comfort zone, make sure you invite God along for the ride. I assure you, you won’t regret it. He is better than Martha and Rachel! I don’t turn everything I make into a DIY project, it’s a balance. However, I’ve noticed the more DIY I incorporate into my life the more fun I have! And it’s so full-filling. When I finished that lasso I felt like an accomplished artist. It adds memories and significance to the objects of our life.

On a deeper note: I may not weave baskets and sew my own clothes but my life is full of DIY and not in ways that I’m proud to admit. Just as Martha Stewart turns Thanksgiving into a DIY extravaganza so we turn life into a do-it-Myself (without God) marathon. We watch Martha and ask, “Are the embellished hand painted place cards really necessary?” when we should look at ourselves and ask, “Are all our worries really necessary?” Jesus told us to worry about today, for tomorrow will worry about itself. He asks us to consider the lilies of the field and then trust that we are more precious and cared for than them. He beckons us to forget our needs for food, clothing, and shelter, promising to take care of us if we will just take care of others. And if we must worry, he asks us to worry about the widowed, broken, and fatherless. When it comes to living life with Christ there is no such thing as DIY. Its do-it-for Christ, do-it-with Christ, or Christ-is-going-to-do-it-for-you!



Resolutions and revelations

I am a list maker. Every day begins and ends with a list – with maybe a couple more lists drafted throughout the day. Making lists helps me feel organized and responsible. I make grocery lists, shopping lists, to do lists, bucket lists, workflow lists, honey do lists, ect. As you can tell, I am quite the ambitious list maker. However recently I noticed that my lists are a little bit unrealistic. I write down a bunch of tasks or ideas without taking into account my human limitations and inabilities. I’m setting myself up for failure, stress, and anxiety. In fact sometimes I feel anxious just from reviewing a list–before I even attempted to conquer it!

Last year I drafted a very detailed New Year’s Resolutions list. What an ambitious list it was! And while I am quite proud of the list, I must confess, I did not conquer it. (Although making the list was a good reminder that my life does indeed need resolving). It was simply too much. I assigned all these hopes, desires, and challenges to lil’ ol’ me.

While last year’s list stirred some desires it did not bring about growth or change. Praise the Lord I did grow closer to being in Him, but it was not through a list. And so, this New Year’s I did not make a list. Instead, of drafting a list of resolutions I am recognizing the ever important need to seek his revelations, moments in which I encounter him in spirit and in truth. Times when I understand who he is and who I am in him. Or what I am doing on my own and what he could be doing through me. I am looking forward to not only seeing growth areas but praise areas too! Times when I see my obedience to him in more ways that I realized and I take a moment and shout “Praise the Lord!” As it says in the bible, we need to have thanksgiving in all situations!

As I said, I like to write lists, but – and take it from an experienced list maker – there is only one type of list that has truly impacted and encouraged me, a prayer list. A prayer list is a list shared with God, where not only you know what is desired, but he does too. It’s a list that you let him organize and be responsible for! Of course it’s also important that you follow his lead. And here is a challenge: If your list is focused on material comforts or filled with bullet points that you are confident in (in such a way that you it would not lead you to him)…you may want to re-work it. Paul was greatly challenged yet Christ was the only source that could bring him contentment.

Finally, while the New Year is a great time to covet change it’s an even better season to find contentment. To be satisfied where you are at today, not just distraught at where you aren’t at or focused on where you want to be. As they say, contentment and godliness go hand-in-hand. Contentment: Our desire to see God’s character reproduce in us. And godliness: Our acceptance of God’s will in our lives.

Bottom line: I was mapping out everything on paper and struggling to remain free of anxiety in anything. Instead, I needed to give God more authority. It’s pretty unnerving to think that we are not our own solution. But take heart, our solution is Christ! All prayers and petitions (and lists!) need to be laid down at his feet. Then those lists will helps to be encouraged, not burdened. We should feel called to do whatever is on that list and fully confident that Christ will help us do it!

Humm…A resolution list paired with prayer, now that’s not such a bad idea!

Philippians 4:6-7,11-13 (Paul speaking here)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus….11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

A crick in my neck

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Eph 5:24)

This morning I spent some time dwelling on the above scripture and came up with this thought. Why do I earnestly seek God’s direction, eager to put it to action, but not my husband’s? As the scripture says, I am to submit to Jon as the church submits to Christ. Just before I read this verse, I was praying for God to lead me (and Jon) in our next steps after seminary. I furthered prayed for God to take in his grip my desire to become a published writer, I stand ready to turn away from what brings me such joy (writing) or ready to dive into the long journey of becoming a published writer.

Here I am tilting my ear to the high heavens, getting a crick in my neck, and shooing Jon away, worried that I won’t hear God over Jon’s gibberish. Jon sits me down to share his discernment into our life, I say “Just one moment, let me finish checking my Facebook.” Or when he steps out in faith, I say, “I think I’m going to sit this one out.” And while sometimes I say these same things to God, the difference is that I am more eager to receive discernment from God than from my husband. I’m missing out. It is God’s plan for me to be directed through Jon. It’s God’s plan!

Last I checked God’s plan is a sure thing. That phrase “My way or the highway,” yep he coined it. Okay, not really, because obviously I’m living proof that you can take the high road. But I’m here to tell you, don’t take the high road. No wonder I’ve been stressed! I’m trying to work against God, rather than with him. I’m like a fish trying to swim upstream.

Speaking of my desire to be a published writer, I’ve been reading an informational guide on how to write a book proposal. Last night I spent some time checking out the website of the women who wrote the guide. Her name is Mary DeMuth, she also wrote a book called Thin Places (in it she will take you deep into the crevices of her heart and share how God was with her even through life’s darkest moments). Today I logged onto her website and to my surprise read about a contest she is running in which she will give away some great resources for writers. I couldn’t pass on this opportunity, I even opened my first personal twitter account! If your are an aspiring writer, I encourage you to check out her website if not for the contest then for the free advice she gives through blog posts and such.

http://www.marydemuth.com/2011/01/wannabe-published-win-some-cool-stuff/

http://www.facebook.com/#!/notes/the-writing-spa/win-the-market-guide-a-proposal-tutorial-and-a-5-page-critique-from-mary/183524171672295

The truth about our marriage

For our wedding, Jon and I planted a plant to represent our coming together as one. Our mothers each picked a plant that was carried down our wedding aisle in separate flower pots. After we said our wedding vows, we kneeled to combine the plants into one pot. Then we joined hands to pray our first prayer together as husband and wife.

And, while our marriage is alive and well, our unity plant is dead. If our life was a Hollywood picture, it would be only a matter of time before our marriage dissolved like. However, I am not Rachel McAdams and Jon is not Brad Pitt. Yet, each time Chance chews on the deadly remains of our plant I have to say to myself “That does not reflect our marriage.” And, though I chuckle as I say it, it is an encouragement I need to hear. I know my life is not a Hollywood movie, but sometimes, because I watch so many of them, I believe that my life is the latest screenplay. Symbolism moves life along on the big screen. Doom is foreshadowed by a deadly plant.

I need to remember who determines the story of my life. I need to remember that my life already has a happily ever after ending. I need to be focused on the story of Jesus instead of my story. I need to realize that my actions in accordance to God’s will adds progressed the Emily Fontenot motion picture. I am so glad that when Jon and I prayed our first prayer together, it was not for a plant to be strengthened and ever enduring, it was for our marriage to be filled with God’s power and promise.

My friend asked me to be a part of their wedding by being a apart of their wedding laso tradition. This will symbolize their unity. As I thought more and more about it, I became more and more humbled by the significance of my friend’s request. I have been a bridesmaid many times, but this is a first. The weight of responsibility began to wear on me as I sought to acquire the object that would represent the wedded couple’s unity. I searched and searched for an item that portrayed the beauty of the couple. And when I had no luck in shopping, I stepped out on a limb and actually made a wedding lasso (totally outside of my comfort zone – but now I have a new hobby :). I went to Michaels for supplies, when I told the clerk heard what I was doing, she said “Ohhh, God bless you,” to which I said “Yes! God bless me, I need his help.” God was faithful and by his grace I was able to create a beautiful token. Yet the fears continued. Will they like it? Will it bust in the middle of the ceremony? And the typical fear, what sort of shame will I be led to endure?

But, last night as I was putting the finishing touches on the masterpiece God created through me, and I realized…he created it, not me. In awe, I stopped and reflected at my inability and his ability. I remembered that while God does dish out his fair share of challenges, he also lavishes a great abundance of mercy and grace upon me, most notable when mighty things happen despite my ability (which happens so often). And because of this, I have hope that the God who began a good work in me will bring it to completion.

The lasso turned out to be beautiful thing. Which is just it - it’s a thing. When it comes down to it, shouldn’t I be more concerned about what it symbolizes. And praying that the couple would reflect what it symbolizes.

There are so many good symbols (especially wedding types one) to represent our commitments, but a symbol does not secure a reality, your actions do. Symbols represent a reality we wish to guide our lives by. However, the way you live your life, not the symbol you have acquired, truly reflects reality. Therefore, when you find a symbol that you want to represent your life don’t just acquire it, live it out.

I am so thankful that the truth of our marriage is not found in a withering plant, but in the way we love and respect eachother and seek to serve and honor God.