Our guest blogger is revealed!

Today's blog post was written by my father, Alex Mandes. Yes, he is our guest blogger. Today's post is very special because its my parent's wedding anniversary! Their marriage is such a testimony, to me and many others. They are the type of couple that, as Hebrews 11 says,  this world is not worthy of - for their integrity and faith. If you have been encouraged by my parent's example as husband and wife, or another couple, please post back and share your story - such stories need to be told. 

Topic: Lessons learned after 34 years of marriage

• Sex needs to be good but I will not cover that here. Sex is the special Godgiven glue. Nevertheless, I will not leave you without very good advice. Check out John’ Grays article, “John Gray's Secrets of Rekindling Romance and Passion.” http://store.bottomlinesecrets.com/print.html?article_id=13218 
• Irreconcilable Differences areGood but need to be managed. Understand you are more different that you may realize. A good study of Genesis 1:26-27 points that out and yet God said that, “it is good.” That does not mean we will not grow and change. We must become more like Christ, but even then it is the differences that actually attracted us to each other. Never ever talk about divorce – don’t even joke. In all of my years of counseling there have only been two times and it was about safety of life issues. Find a sounding board couple. When you get stuck make sure you have a couple you can confide in to help you over the hump. Be careful that it is a mutually agreed on couple. 
• Understand the cycles of life. For example, sex was good before kids. Once you have kids your energy level will tank and that will affect sex, communication, and resources. That only means spontaneity may be planned…spontaneous/planning is not an oxymoron if you are planning to make it to the long haul.
• In-laws must be respected. It is not cool to rag on your spouse’s family. We get to choose our spouse and friends but family is God given. Learn from them. Let you spouse lead the discussion on where they fit. The line must be drawn when one partner feels that in-laws trump the marriage relationship.
• Have fun….lots of fun with each other and with the kids. Fun does not have to be expensive. Julie always excelled in this. Purpose to make your house the place your kids will want to hang around at and even bring their friends to. When they are older they will continue to seek you out.
• Put God first and practice the spiritual disciplines. I rarely felt like I had to preach at Julie because I knew she was listening to God and I know she knew I was listening to God. Bible Reading, going to church, giving, hospitality…all need to be lived out before God, spouse and kids. Be real about it.
• Learn to say I am sorry…with not buts. Be quick to set the example of brokenness. We are not weaker when we admit failure. In fact, God lifts up the humble and broken hearted. Kids need to see this.
• Men need to set the example. We live in a time when more and more men are sitting back and letting things happen. I really believe that this is the real evil of our day. Men, be intentional, courageous, and out there real. I believe that most men are not selfish as much as afraid to look bad. The solution is not to sit back but to lean in and be a learner. As the sins of the father are passed from one generation to the next so will the blessings of the father pass on to the next. Pass it forward no matter what happened in your past. God is your great father. Ask god to help you – He wants to.
• Money. Put the best of you in charge but both need to know what is going on. In charge means managing the books but it does not mean delegating accountability. There must be TOTAL transparency in everything. 
• Roles are NOT tolls. Marriage roles are not static boxes that restrict us to a list of does and don't. The mother of Jesus was a super powerhouse in the Bible. Study each other and know what your gifts, talents, and experiences you bring to the table. Let those determine your parameters. Marriage was made for us not us for marriage. The Bible says that women are to submit and men are to love their wives TO THE POINT OF DEATH. Man need to really take that point to heart. Jesus served the church by laying it all out there. Brothers, let the Holy Spirit speak to you right now about that. Submission does not mean wives can’t do something incredible. BTW Jesus submitted to His parents. Luke 2:52. Submission need to be understood in the context of unity of purpose…not setting a station of life. Some of you brothers are married to a thoroughbred – that means you need to grow up fast rather, rather that than put her down – I speak from personal experience here hermanos. Julie was a fire breathing stinking navigator missionary who left her home to move to the end of the world – Laredo. If you married a thoroughbred don’t make her pay the toll…you need to learn all you can from God and her so that you can be worthy of her.  If she is not a thoroughbred then serve her like one till she gets there…she will follow your lead.

Ps...thanks Dad for being my first guest blogger!! 

Strangers, already? I hope not!

It's been too long, have you missed me?

It feels like it was years ago since I last wrote. Since my last post God has continually pressed words to my fingertips. PTL! (I hope its the same case for you!) I am very excited to get back into the swing of sharing my thoughts with you, the are indeed the very conversations that I am having with God.

Here it goes....

Each day it seems like a friend of mine is getting married (okay not THAT many). I am very excited to grow in my marriage alongside these friends. In result of that, and studying a marriage book last spring(Marriage Takes More Than Love), I have lots of thoughts and prayers to share. Briefly, I jotted down tidbits that sum up these thoughts and prayers. They are lessons that I learned. I'll try to come back and blog a little more about each - I started out by blogging a bit about the first one. Enjoy! And please please share yours too!

(If you are not married, READ IT ANYWAYS, you never know whom you will encounter and what words God will need to share through you.)

Be intentional. My wedding day was just like any other day on the calendar. The sun rose and set. The hour hand made two complete rotations. The world carried on as normal. Yet it was especially special to me. Why? I would be crazy to credit pure luck or mere chance for producing such a marvelous day. To do so would deny the ten mile-long To Do list we conquered, the humble prayers we lamented, and the patient endurance we graciously received. Our wedding day will forever be special to us. We invested in that day, we were wholly committed to that day, and boy! did we harvested a mighty return on our investment.

At first, it was hard for me to accept that my wedding day and come and gone. Sometimes I longingly thought, “The wedding is over…now what?” While other times I excitedly proclaimed, “The wedding is over and we’re married!” After I moved past the wedding hype, I began to wonder how to best invest in my marriage. I found myself at a lost. I knew what I wanted, but didn’t know where to begin! It was hard for me to accept that my marriage was not even a year old. I wanted to share what fifty-year olds have! Naturally, I did what any bride would do, I stressed, planned, and delegated (poor Jon!).

Thanks be to God, he set my mind at ease. I embraced that my marriage was in full swing…right now, as is! It was new but would definitely span longer than 24 hours.  I didn’t long for the past or fret for the future, but lived presently. As I was, a newlywed, God called me to seize the moment, breathe life into my wedding vows, and add to those wedding pictures. With God’s help an ordinary day was transformed into an extraordinary day, and with God’s help an ordinary couple and will share an extraordinary life together.

Here are some more lessons God's taught me...

Mind your manners.

When your spouse is quiet or moody, just remember that not everything is about you.

Men get lost in a lot of words, but God’s word can pierce them through and through.

When your spouse tries especially hard to please you, take special care not to initially correct them.

Laugh often. Don’t even try to hold it in!

Tell God about his faults, tell your spouse about your prayers.

Make sure your spouse knows their the best.

Tell him “job well done!”

Flirt like lovers don’t tease like school children

Remember that there is much more to learn about your spouse

Pick your battles and battlegrounds wisely

It is time to put Time in its place!

With each tick of the clock time reminds us that we are indeed only human and constrained to walk to its beat.

Planning a wedding helped me realize how little control I had over time. Never had I felt so rushed, pressed, and pushed by time. In addition to my usual workout of squats and sit-ups, I was getting an additional workout from time. Each day had moments I couldn’t wait to be over and moments that I never wanted to end…sometimes the same experience brought a combination of the two!

Has anyone heard a bride say, “My wedding day was such a drag. I thought it would never end!” No! Most brides comment on how quickly the day passed.

It seems like the moments we spend the most time planning for are the moments that speed by the fastest. It doesn’t have to be a wedding day, it could be any occasion that has aroused a deep concern or particular interest.

We are hardly ever comforted by the presence of time, yet God – time’s creator – is our Comforter. In 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 Paul writes that the Lord is “the God of all comfort.”

The LORD is your keeper

The LORD is your shade on your right hand

The sun shall not strike you by day, 

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil

He will keep your life

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in
   

from this time forth and forevermore. (Ps 121:5)

Rejoice! God, the keeper of time, is on our side. It is time (no pun intended!) to put time in its place. With God on your side, who can be against you? (Romans 8:31)

Do you fear how quickly time seems to be passing? Are you so anxious that looking at your calendar takes much courage? Maybe it’s the opposite. Are you so excited and filled with anticipation that the present day feels dull and meaningless?

Whatever you are feeling, take it to the Lord. Ask God to help you see that time really is on your side, and that you two are more friend than foe. The number of minutes in a day may not be added to (or subtracted from), but don’t forget that God’s ways are beyond ours, and time bends to his command. And his command is the best!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)

Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.

(Anon)

The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. 

(C.S. Lewis)