Challenging God's faithfulness?

God’s faithfulness is ever present even in the most unseen ways.

I experienced this when I went to see a neurologist for my shaking and then was sent to a Rheumatologist for having too many antibodies. Long story short, I found out that I’m perfect candidate for a progressive autoimmune disease. Yet, I cannot be formally diagnosed for this disease because it has not progressed to the point where I’m externally exhibiting the common symptoms of this disease. This news was hard to grasp, confusing, and until a few weeks ago, upsetting. It was upsetting because I was not concerned about a progressive autoimmune disease, I wanted to know why I shake! Instead my pursuit was completely derailed by one blood test. I’m glad, thankful, grateful, to know about this disease, but it does not answer the questions I have about my shaking.

That sums up the conversations, or more aptly put, complaints I shared with God the first few weeks after my “diagnosis” – or lack thereof.

Then while taking a breath from all my complaining, I was convicted as I realized God’s faithfulness.

Allow me to reiterate the word progressive. Progress is a favorite word of politician’s, and we American’s like to hear it because we like to be going somewhere. The American Dream. Generally the word progress is indicative of going somewhere better. That is not the case with this disease. Yet here I sit a perfect storm for this disease yet all is well. That is faithfulness, God’s faithfulness.

There is more to faithfulness than what we can see. there is a whole component of what we cannot see that exemplifies God’s faithfulness.

Recognizing this has given me hope. I don’t know why I shake. I just know it’s uncomfortable, humbling, and annoying. Yet neither did I know about this disease. What does that tell me about God?

God knows.  Because of Him, I know about this disease and am prepared to fight its progression, and all this before the disease has even seriously affected me! Therefore, I do not have to worry about my shaking. I realize now that God is before me when it comes to my health. I used to worry that he was dropping the ball or that I was handed the short straw and demanded to suffer, but I know he has me completely in his arms. And may I rest well there.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? (Psalm 139:7)

Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD. "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 23:24)

The Importance of Knowing How You Are Different

I’m different.
Not in a way that makes me better than you
Nor in a way that places me below you.
This is only possible because
you are different too.
Surprised?
Confused?
All–all–of humanity are His image bearers.
That is what (should) bind us all–all–together.
Yet, just as He did with the flowers
He gave us an array of differences.
To Him we are a beautiful arrangement.
Do we see all–all–of humanity that way?
We ignore and suppress how he uniquely formed us
and struggle to love how he uniquely formed others.
How did he uniquely form you?
Discover how you are different.
Proclaim how you are different.
The importance of knowing how you are different
cannot be understated.
It’s invaluable.
A powerful weapon in this dark world;
which is why it’s important for me to tell you,
I’m different.
People who accept being different,
who embrace being different,
will make a difference in this dark world.
They will be a brilliant light sending out beams of hope.
To the
disenfranchised,
mistreated,
undervalued,
less fortunate.
Those are the people who society points to and says,
“They’re different.”
But,
if you can re-program your soul,
embrace being different,
then you are ready to embrace all–all–humanity.
Just like Jesus did.

For most of my life I’ve struggled at embracing and loving how God formed me. God is helping to reconcile how I see myself to how he sees me. When we don’t love ourselves, we are hindered from fully loving others. We become distracted by how others see us, which limits us from loving others. The other day I watched a video of a man with Downs Syndrome testify of how he accepted Jesus as his Savior and Lord. Many things about this video caught my attention, specifically how he described himself, different. I heard him say that word and immediately thought, “what a beautiful way to describe yourself.” Shortly after, God gave me these verses.

Coming Soon...

I’m a sucker for Coming Soon signs. In the mall, on the road, postings in the newspapers–check, check, check! I will go out of my way to read these signs. Watch out because that may mean running a curb! The busybody in me likes to know these things so that I can report them to my husband, dog, mom, and anyone else who has ears to hear.

Something I’ve noticed and come to envy are the owners of these Coming Soon properties because they are able to hide whatever it is that is coming soon. They get to board up their mess and leave only a pretty sign for the world to view. While I would love to gawk at their construction and disarray, I must resign to reading the Coming Soon sign a few times and then getting on with my day.

I wish I could enclose myself in a private space, display a Coming Soon sign and wait for the Lord’s return. “Coming soon a fully redeemed perfected Emily.” If there is good reason for property owners to cover up their mess, isn’t there good reason to hide mine? It would be great to hide my weakened body, rarely do I feel like I’m in picture perfect physical and emotional condition.

But I believe that God would want something else, something completely opposite. Which is exactly why I’m writing this post. Here is a verse that helped me form this belief:

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” (2 Corinthians 4:7)

Over the past several weeks I’ve thought a lot about this verse, which is why I believe that God’s plan is not for me to be hid but for me to be on display so that his light can shine forth, casting truth and grace into the dark world. I draw hope in this: Believers are the jars of clay and the power of God, manifested in Christ, is the treasure.

We, the vessel are worthless without the treasure that was trustingly sent to us. Therefore, proclaiming the incredible transforming power of the gospel is our most worthy pursuit. As long as the gospel is being displayed through us, the vessel, everything is going accordingly (at least that is what I’ve come to expectantly hope in).

But that is easier said than done! We want bodies that can do more than just proclaim the gospel. Who has heard someone say, “My body gets me from point A to point B, what more could I ask for?” No way! We only say that about the jalopy we drove until we had enough money to buy a new car. We want a body that attracts a spouse, performs well enough to keep a steady job, allows for life-goals to be accomplished, and survives long enough to see grand children. Hear me out, I’m not discounting 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, I’m just looking at things from another angle.

It was good for me to be reminded that the treasure is the gospel and not my body, which in this verse is referred to as the jar of clay. My body has failed me many times; often it moves in ways that are beyond my control. I rejoice in knowing that the real thing to treasure is the indwelling Holy Spirit. This treasure is indestructible and is what I should focus on others noticing Many times I am ashamed by the way my body behaves. If only I treasured my body less.

A couple months ago I went to a Wal-mart, which is currently expanding to become a Super Wal-mart. While there I saw an Excuse Our Mess sign and thought to myself, “Whatever it takes to get a Super Wal-mart!” Who could not be excited about that! I was grateful that this proprietor allowed me to shop at the store, regardless of the construction, instead of closing up shop and putting up barriers or paper over the windows. I’m sure it would be bad business for Wal-mart to do so, the store is crazy-busy whenever I go. Likewise, it would be absurd for me (or any believer) to hide in a closet; the Gospel needs to be proclaimed! How freeing it would be to have the same approach, to carry an Excuse My Mess sign as opposed to hiding behind a Coming Soon sign.

I’ve come to realize, and this has been truly hard for me to accept, perfection can not be achieved on Earth. Well, I take that back, perfection came and went through the birth, death, and resurrection of Christ. I will not taste perfection here. I wonder if my mind could even grasp what that would look like.

These are all new and fresh thoughts, I write with courageous words because I’m excited about learning more about this and I’m grateful for the formation that has already taken place.

Last year ended with a series of doctor appointments and personal research regarding a desire of mine and Jonathan’s to know why my body behaves as it does. What neurological disorder do I have? Is it progressive? Is it genetic? What can be done to relieve the jerking? Do I want a diagnosis? Its hard because I feel like nothing has changed, I need to be more patient. It’s been difficult for doctors to provide a diagnosis. We know that anxiety is a factor; But it’s not the only factor, my muscles contract come rain or shine, in peace or in stress. For now I’ve decided to focus on treating my anxiety, and one way I will do this is to seek professional counseling or behavioral therapy. The cards are still falling into place–this is a brief overview that I am sure I will provide better detail one day.

All this said, this year I hope to receive with joy the shabby tent God saved for me to occupy as I live my life out on earth. Coming soon: A fully redeemed bride and a beautiful body not just for me but for the church.

“For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands.” 2 Corinthians 5:1 NLT

Pilgrims and Martha Stewart Aside, What is Thanksgiving?

Recently I went to google.com and typed “What is Thanksgiving?” In less than a quarter of a second the computer displayed over 23 million links! Evidently, there are many ways to describe Thanksgiving. Here is my take on it:

Where to begin?
I could start in 1621, when the first American Thanksgiving feast is recorded to have taken place and end with the many things that have grown out of America’s tradition of giving thanks each fourth Thursday in November -Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, football rivalries, turkey trots, and Black Friday to name a few. But I think the best place to start is with the God of Isaac and Abraham because long before the first U.S. President, George Washington, issued the first national Thanksgiving Day Proclamation in 1789, David, a man after God’s own heart, wrote these words, “Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods.”  (Ps. 95:2-3)

So what is Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving is an opportunity for us to continue celebrating God’s abundant goodness. It’s not meant to be a burden (though we often turn it into one) but an excuse or – if I may be so bold – a reason to gather with family and friends, take a break from school and work, and remember and rejoice in God’s faithfulness. The day should not only beckon the question, what am I going to serve/eat/clean/do, but also – most importantly – for what am I thankful to God? Furthermore, our attitude of thankfulness should not depend on how much food and family surround us on Thanksgiving Day. David wrote the above words during a time in his life when food was not a commodity and many of his family and friends had turned on him.

How to prepare for Thanksgiving? (Aside from Martha Stewart’s advice)
I encourage you to think outside the box and give greater meaning to your Thanksgiving Day – for yourself and your family. This may look like reading scripture, praying, singing hymns, sharing, and serving. My fondest memories of Thanksgiving are from serving and sharing – serving my mother and sisters by helping them to cook and clean, serving the homeless by waking up early on my day off, driving downtown and passing out food, and sharing with my family specific reasons that I am thankful for them and for God. Furthermore, Thanksgiving Day is a great opportunity to prepare our hearts to celebrate the birth of our Lord. Thanksgiving is the pre-party to Christmas! All the things that we are thankful for on Thanksgiving spring from the gift of Jesus Christ.

While some of us don’t know the three essential ingredients for green bean casserole – green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and dried onions – and others, Americans included, didn’t know that pumpkin pie was probably not served at the first Thanksgiving meal, we all, no matter what country we come from, know Jesus Christ, and isn't He something to be thankful for! As Christians, we are called –invited, commissioned, entrusted –to give thanks to the Lord. We should not only give thanks on the fourth Thursday in November over a spread of turkey and stuffing, we should give thanks every day. We need to have a ThanksLIVING attitude!

[I wrote the above piece for the Trinity Wives Fellowship newsletter. Trinity Wives Fellowship is a great group of ladies whose husbands are attending seminary at TEDS (Trinity Evangelical Divinity School). Some of the wives are from America and many others are from all over the world. ]

On a personal note…
Each year Satan tries to mess up my Thanksgiving Day – maybe you can relate – I worry about preparing the food and coordinating the oven schedule and stress over strained relationships with a family and friends. This year, more than ever, my joy will be a target of Satan’s as I will celebrate Thanksgiving without family (thankfully, I have a husband to keep me company!!). Jonathan and I will be on-call at the shelter and therefore unable to leave the property. For the most part I have accepted this as an opportunity to invest in our marriage and family rather than as a sentence to do jail time. I’m eager to cook a Thanksgiving dinner on my own! We often joke that we’ve invited some of the good dogs from downstairs to join us for Thanksgiving dinner. But, I know that I must be careful with  my jokes and . I worry that in my attempt to distract my emotions with cooking and baking I may forget that Jesus will also be dining with us.  You see, we may be off from work and school on Thanksgiving day but Satan is definitely on duty – and yet, so is God!

If you are like me, prone to stressing and fussing on Thanksgiving Day, pick out a bible verse and tuck it in your apron pocket so that you are ready for battle. And remember that your battle is not with the turkey, the oven, your husband, or sister. I’ve selected Psalm 95:2-3 to memorize on Thanksgiving Day.

“Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods.”  (Ps. 95:2-3)

More about Thanksgiving
This first Thanksgiving feast probably included: Lobster, rabbit, fish, squashes, beans, chestnuts, onions, leeks, honey, radishes, cabbage, and carrots

Today's traditional Thanksgiving feast would include: Turkey & gravy, stuffing, yams (sweet potatoes), green bean casserole (among other casseroles), mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie.

Did you know that Thanksgiving Day is also observed in Canada, Liberia, The Netherlands & Norfolk Island?

For some devotionals & Bible verses on Thanksgiving go to http://www.christianity.com/thanksgiving/.

For videos & articles on the history of Thanksgiving go to http://www.history.com/topics/thanksgiving.

For Thanksgiving type recipes go to http://allrecipes.com/recipes/holidays-and-events/thanksgiving/

Why I don't like the B (busy) word

One of my least favorite words to describe myself is the word busy. Literally, my stomach turns whenever I use it. This has not always been the case but it is now. Some take pride or comfort in reporting to others that they are ‘busy’ while all I feel is guilt. There are many reasons why I am like this, but I think the most prominent and important reason (though not always the most prevalent reason) is due to a desire for God’s will to be done. Only with timid reserve could I reflect on how I am investing my time and concur that I’m making the best use of it with regards to God’s Kingdom. I agree that it is good to know our boundaries and responsibilities and follow through on our commitments. However, how can God use a person who has a flashing No Vacancy sign above their head to impact the world for him?

After being in a season of stillness, I am now in a season of business – another reason why the word busy has become recently burdensome. I clearly remember the quiet days during which I felt like everyone but me had somewhere to go and some reason to be. Today, a busy schedule comforts those insecurities. But should it? God loved me then and now. His purpose for me was, is, and will always be present. Just because my life got busier does not mean that it became more prevalent to God that I existed. My encouragement, whatever season you are in, don’t buy into the lie that your significance lies in your schedule or let your schedule dictate what you can or cannot do. The things God wants you to do will be things that you are able to do.

Ready or not, the holiday season is here and with it our life’s schedule will be – as Emeril would say – kicked up a notch. However, this is not an excuse to light up the No Vacancy sign or we will miss out on serving people like Joseph and Mary – you may remember that they were told on the night of our Savior’s birth that life in Bethlehem was too busy to make room for them. I’ve learned that our schedules may fluctuate between stillness and business but God is always the same. And just as God never changes, so does his desire for us to be his hands and feet – in ways that we know and in ways that we don’t know yet.

My encouragement,

give thanks to God for the things occupying your time,

reflect on where you are investing your time,

ask God what could be added or released from your schedule,

be ready for God to unexpectedly – to you, not to Him – rearrange your schedule.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

She gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

A mustard-seed-mountain-moving faith

I was ¾ of the way through my training schedule when God said something that blew my mind away. Seriously. It challenged everything I knew – or thought I knew – about him.

I was crunching the numbers, calculating how many miles I could run, how many miles I needed to run, and how many days I had left to train. Trust me things were not looking good. I was behind on my training and it wasnt for lack of trying, which added even more stress. Then, as I drowned in distress, God gave me a modern, and very intimate, example of a mustard-seed-mountain-moving faith. Such a faith would look like this: A runner, forsaking their training schedule, yet stepping up to the starting line completely confident that the race is as good as won. No preparation needed, no hundred plus miles logged, just a complete and utter trust in God. (To drive this point home, for those that are not familiar with a half marathon training schedule, imagine anything you have strived to conquer, and then imagine being asked to forsake all preparation yet promised that you would still be a conqueror.) That image entered my mind and I began to cry. I cried in awe of Christ. I cried with a longing to have such a faith to move mountains beyond my justification. And, I cried for every man and women that is trying to earn their way to heaven’s finish line.

When it comes to being reconciled to God, Jesus is our training schedule. He is the way and the truth and the life. Only through Christ will we cross heaven’s finish line. Even more glorious and mind boggling, is the training schedule that Christ has outlined because it is not about us, what we can do or what we can train to do.

Yesterday I ran a half marathon. I spent months training for this run and still found it to be a huge challenge. After I signed up for the race (in March) I was pretty confident. I remember thinking, “I’ve got this in the bag! All I need to do is follow the training schedule.” And then my body failed me. There were days my legs were so weak that I had to grip the handle bars on the treadmill to sustain my body.  Frustrated, I realized that I was in over my head. The whole follow-the-training-schedule plan was not working. It took me weeks to recognize my arrogance. Yes, arrogance. (I know - I was confused too). God showed me that saying "I've got this" not only was not possible, it was not pleasing. What’s wrong with wanting to overcome an obstacle?  Doesn’t God want me to step outside my comforts and self-imposed limits?

God showed me that saying “I can” is just as arrogant as saying “I cannot”. I know – I bet you are confused too. So what can we say? How about this: He can! I can do all things through he who strengthens me means that whatever we strive for will be accomplished in result of our belief in Christ and not a hope vested in ourselves or others.

I crossed the finish line yesterday but it was not as imagined. Humbling would be the best word to describe it. My body failed me at about mile 10 with three miles between myself and the finish line. At about mile 11 a woman came and joined me. She ran beside me the rest of the way, bringing me water and encouragement. I would be wrong not to remember her in recalling my victory. She was definitely real. 

After I crossed the finish line a women said to me, "Well, maybe next time you will train better." Maybe I will - if there is a next time. Time will tell if yesterday's race was my inaugural and commemorative race. Whatever happens on earth, at least, I'm ready to cross heaven's finish line. And, my heart is more burdened for those that are not ready, for those who are at their 10th mile and need a savior.

Believing Jesus Christ is the Son of God, was crucified for our sin, and was accepted by God as a worthy sacrificial offering for our sin - that is the training schedule that will get you to heaven's finish line.

John 14:5-6
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way? Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 

Matthew 17:20

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Philippians 4:12-13

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Romans 8:37-39

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Strangers, already? I hope not!

It's been too long, have you missed me?

It feels like it was years ago since I last wrote. Since my last post God has continually pressed words to my fingertips. PTL! (I hope its the same case for you!) I am very excited to get back into the swing of sharing my thoughts with you, the are indeed the very conversations that I am having with God.

Here it goes....

Each day it seems like a friend of mine is getting married (okay not THAT many). I am very excited to grow in my marriage alongside these friends. In result of that, and studying a marriage book last spring(Marriage Takes More Than Love), I have lots of thoughts and prayers to share. Briefly, I jotted down tidbits that sum up these thoughts and prayers. They are lessons that I learned. I'll try to come back and blog a little more about each - I started out by blogging a bit about the first one. Enjoy! And please please share yours too!

(If you are not married, READ IT ANYWAYS, you never know whom you will encounter and what words God will need to share through you.)

Be intentional. My wedding day was just like any other day on the calendar. The sun rose and set. The hour hand made two complete rotations. The world carried on as normal. Yet it was especially special to me. Why? I would be crazy to credit pure luck or mere chance for producing such a marvelous day. To do so would deny the ten mile-long To Do list we conquered, the humble prayers we lamented, and the patient endurance we graciously received. Our wedding day will forever be special to us. We invested in that day, we were wholly committed to that day, and boy! did we harvested a mighty return on our investment.

At first, it was hard for me to accept that my wedding day and come and gone. Sometimes I longingly thought, “The wedding is over…now what?” While other times I excitedly proclaimed, “The wedding is over and we’re married!” After I moved past the wedding hype, I began to wonder how to best invest in my marriage. I found myself at a lost. I knew what I wanted, but didn’t know where to begin! It was hard for me to accept that my marriage was not even a year old. I wanted to share what fifty-year olds have! Naturally, I did what any bride would do, I stressed, planned, and delegated (poor Jon!).

Thanks be to God, he set my mind at ease. I embraced that my marriage was in full swing…right now, as is! It was new but would definitely span longer than 24 hours.  I didn’t long for the past or fret for the future, but lived presently. As I was, a newlywed, God called me to seize the moment, breathe life into my wedding vows, and add to those wedding pictures. With God’s help an ordinary day was transformed into an extraordinary day, and with God’s help an ordinary couple and will share an extraordinary life together.

Here are some more lessons God's taught me...

Mind your manners.

When your spouse is quiet or moody, just remember that not everything is about you.

Men get lost in a lot of words, but God’s word can pierce them through and through.

When your spouse tries especially hard to please you, take special care not to initially correct them.

Laugh often. Don’t even try to hold it in!

Tell God about his faults, tell your spouse about your prayers.

Make sure your spouse knows their the best.

Tell him “job well done!”

Flirt like lovers don’t tease like school children

Remember that there is much more to learn about your spouse

Pick your battles and battlegrounds wisely

He Did What?!?

Pet peeves often involve specific behaviors of someone close, such as a spouse or significant other. These behaviors may involve disrespect, manners, personal hygiene, relationships, and family issues. A key aspect of a pet peeve is that it may well seem acceptable to others. For example, a supervisor may have a pet peeve about people leaving the lid on the copier up and react angrily, be annoyed when others interrupt when speaking, or by messy desks of his or her subordinates. That same supervisor may witness employees coming into work late, and not feel any annoyance whatsoever. (Wikipedia)

This morning my dear husband woke up early, got out of bed, and turned off the fan. He meant it to be an act of kindness (often I’m clothed in prickly goosebumps from being cold). Poor guy, he didn’t know that my mom used to wake me up by turning off the fan. As the blades of the fan slowed to a stop a rage began to bubble within me. “Turn the fan on!!” I yell. It took awhile for the blood to drain from my eyes. A delightful breakfast cooked by my groom helped cool the air.

One’s pet peeve is another’s love language.

Jon meant to communicate love but instead pulled a nerve. For us, this is an everyday occurrence. Sometimes we laugh it off. I say, “I may be laughing on the outside but not on the inside!”  We are very much different yet still divinely similar like no one else.

I’m still wading through this experience, asking God to shine his light. There is a lesson had.

I wonder if it’s not so much the pet peeve that dishonors God as it is the knee jerk reaction we have in result of a pet peeve. The joy we allow a pet peeve to steal. The control we gain by “pressing one’s buttons.”

It is especially hard when you do not know what one’s pet peeves are. Is that why birds of a feather like to flock together? It’s a challenge to meet new and/or different people. After I meet someone new and/or different my head is running a mile a minute. I hate being misunderstood. I worry that my attempts to show love may have inadvertently punctured a nerve.

Living life with similar people ensures that lines that should not be crossed will not be crossed. Everyone plays by the same rules and abides by the same boundaries.

Our pet peeves and other’s pet peeves make living in this world difficult, especially because God wants us to rub elbows with strangers – especially strangers that do not share our upbringing, heritage, and context. He wants us to go to all.  “He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” (Mark 6:19)

So what do we do? It’s a true conundrum. Good luck riding yourself of any and all pet peeves! Would it be fair to say it comes with the sin-nature territory?

One thing to hold on to – We should each be living for Jesus, not swayed by the rules of humanity. Sometimes this means taking precautions and being considerate in order to make Christ known. Other times this means having grace so that when lines are crossed our knee-jerk reaction is love – taking the opportunity to live out the Gospel.

…I’m still tossing these ideas around, but thought I would share something with you, even if it is in mid-thought.  

A Very Good Poem

I may not get to see my Texan friends and family as often as I'd like but God is using this distance for good. Since moving to Deerfield, God has come alongside me and lent me his eyes, allowing me to see my family and friends as he does - which casts a warm glow upon their faces. I am learning to treasure who they are in Christ and not the memories we are creating or missing.

With that said, allow me to share a poem whose words came to me a while back, as I was pondering a special way to celebrate the lives of two dear sisters. I will not reveal who I wrote the poem for, because, after reading it - even just a few moments ago - I believe it is for all. I think it is hard for us to see ourselves as God sees us. If we could all just comprehend and accept how much the Lord treasures us, I wonder what the world would be like.

Very Good

In Genesis we get a first glimpse of our Lord as the creator.

Very purposefully,

he describes not only what he is doing,

but also what he is thinking.

From Genesis we know that

everything God creates is good,

but that his creation of man is very good.

This means that you,

his creation, are very good.

From your bones to your toes, you are very good.

Unfortunately, today those words, very good,

sound impersonal and distant

and sometimes simply untrue.

But you must have faith and believe

that in Christ you are very good.

What was uttered by God before the fall,

became true in Christ through your salvation.

God did not need to emphasize the good with a very,

yet he did.

He did so because he wants you to know

that you’re exterior and interior is so beautiful and wonderful,

beyond the most gorgeous flower and beautiful creature,

that it must be emphasized.

You are his very good creation.

Confessions of a PK

Mom, dad, and me at Seaworld

I write ‘PK’ –Preacher’s Kid– because my father serves God in a pastoral role. But since I’m 25 I wonder, does the K in PK still apply? I don’t think I will ever shake it! But let the record show that I have grown leaps and bounds in maturity since I last sat on the receiving end of a flannel-board bible story lesson.

So much of who I am today is a result of who my parents are. I think that is the case of any person, no matter their parent’s calling. My parent’s calling had a particular influence on my life because the arena in which my spiritual formation with Christ and with the Church directly intersected. 

Lately I’ve been asking myself, what do you wish you knew then (as a young PK) that you know now (as a older PK)?

I’d like to know as a young PK what I am beginning to understand today as a seminary wife, what it means to be entrusted with the Gospel. Not entitled, entrusted. Full-time ministry is a burdensome call, yet a humbling one too. My parents loved the Church. They genuinely were excited to go and worship God at church. Their friendly faces at church were (and are) real. Which was not always the case for mine, but as I grew older God opened my heart and I went from respecting their passion to sharing it.

Sometimes I was confused by my parents, especially since their boss, God, is a mysterious. It is hard to comprehend God’s timing. I am sure there were times I said things like, “You did what?” and “I’m not doing that!” I was also  confused by the conflict in our church and hurt by judging eyes directed toward my family. Our church was small and those that attended were not just congregants, many became (and are) intimate family friends. I think it was good for me to experience confusion, conflict and judgment, because later when I experienced such unfortunates in the para church organization I was leading, my parents knew just how to comfort me. All my dad had to say was, “sheep bite.” It’s been neat to share similar experiences, its helped ease the inflicted pain.

My most treasured perk as a PK was the willingness of the congregation to know and love me. They were burdened for my parents and therefore became burdened for me and my sisters. As a PK, community was handed to me on a silver spoon. The opportunities to make friends, be encouraged, and be pursued were endless. This treasured perk sometimes resulted in pride and self-entitlement. But God in his grace took extra measure to ensure I stayed meek and humble. And I’m thankful for the grace the congregation extended to me.

I did not realize the depth of my shy nature until I was a college freshman on the hunt for a new community of believers. Before college began, God impressed on my heart that he wanted me to get more out of my college experience than a diploma, he wanted me to know him more. And in order for this to occur I knew I needed to step outside of my comfort and seek a new community of believers. This challenge resulted in feeling the weakest and most insecure that I had ever felt before. I had never met so many people that did not know me! It was a good learning experience and grew my heart for the strangers that had stepped into my father’s church. It also opened my eyes to see people on the fringes of society.

Advice for PKs: Carry your cross and deny yourself, don’t deny Christ and/or the Church. I believe PKs are more prone to flying the coop, moving out of their childhood home and leaving the Church. Why? Because I was quite close to doing such! It takes courage, initiative, faith, and trust for a PK to continue living in Christ after they stop living with their parents. They’ve seen the good, bad, and the ugly. Ministry in messy, but since we all are sinners I'm not sure we can escape that messiness...unless we live in a cave. A visit to the dentist will always be painful, but its needed. I could go an visit a new dentist office, but the tools (especially the needle they use to numb your gums) will likely be used by that office too.

Satan tried to hold me back, he tried keeping me hung up on the past, and he tried to usher in habits that led me away from Christ but Christ was patient, faithful and strong. Christ helped me appreciate the good, bad and the ugly I saw in the Church. And now, I understand my past better and appreciate it. All the while, God put a personal twist on my relationship with him, which was so need after my parent’s faith felt so large. Church, being a part of the body of Christ, became more than a family tradition, it is a personal conviction.

Sharing my parent’s spotlight was great! But now, as an older PK, I want my own spotlight! Not for my glory, but for God’s. I want his light to shine vibrantly out from me. I want to experience God pouring out his blessing upon me because I choose him. (Yes, choose, because God has much more planned for us than our conversion).

It is time to put Time in its place!

With each tick of the clock time reminds us that we are indeed only human and constrained to walk to its beat.

Planning a wedding helped me realize how little control I had over time. Never had I felt so rushed, pressed, and pushed by time. In addition to my usual workout of squats and sit-ups, I was getting an additional workout from time. Each day had moments I couldn’t wait to be over and moments that I never wanted to end…sometimes the same experience brought a combination of the two!

Has anyone heard a bride say, “My wedding day was such a drag. I thought it would never end!” No! Most brides comment on how quickly the day passed.

It seems like the moments we spend the most time planning for are the moments that speed by the fastest. It doesn’t have to be a wedding day, it could be any occasion that has aroused a deep concern or particular interest.

We are hardly ever comforted by the presence of time, yet God – time’s creator – is our Comforter. In 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 Paul writes that the Lord is “the God of all comfort.”

The LORD is your keeper

The LORD is your shade on your right hand

The sun shall not strike you by day, 

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil

He will keep your life

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in
   

from this time forth and forevermore. (Ps 121:5)

Rejoice! God, the keeper of time, is on our side. It is time (no pun intended!) to put time in its place. With God on your side, who can be against you? (Romans 8:31)

Do you fear how quickly time seems to be passing? Are you so anxious that looking at your calendar takes much courage? Maybe it’s the opposite. Are you so excited and filled with anticipation that the present day feels dull and meaningless?

Whatever you are feeling, take it to the Lord. Ask God to help you see that time really is on your side, and that you two are more friend than foe. The number of minutes in a day may not be added to (or subtracted from), but don’t forget that God’s ways are beyond ours, and time bends to his command. And his command is the best!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:8-10)

Don’t count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count.

(Anon)

The Future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. 

(C.S. Lewis)

The five-day challenge

From the richest to the poorest, no one would question that 3.5 billon, which is half the world’s population, is a HUGE number. However, we may not all (all 6.7 billion of us) as easily agree on the significance of two dollars. Why? …Because half the world’s population eats on less than two dollars a day.

Two dollars? …Sound like a lot? Not to me…Which is why I knew I needed to do the challenge.

The challenge: For five days, eat as half the world’s population eats—on less than two dollars a day. For me this meant that I ate a small bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, a small bowl of rice and beans for lunch and dinner, and drank only tap water…for five days.

Focusing on the needs of the under resourced is not new to me. I’ve seen the pictures, read the statistics, and witnessed the need (aiding it when I could). For two years (just before I moved to Deerfield) I worked in downtown San Antonio, just around the corner from the Alamo. Every weekday I walked passed homeless people. I learned to pack snacks for myself and for others. Helping others is not a foreign concept…feeling helpless and in need of life’s basic necessities was definitely a new experience.

 “How does a person who eats such a humble and meager meal understand God’s love? “ I asked myself many times last week. I also had to remind myself that this challenge was someone’s reality. As easily as I choose to eat rice and beans, I could choose to eat steak and potatoes.

The challenge allowed me to stand in solidarity with my church and men, women, and children who eat meager meals every day. It provided an opportunity stand to beside God and agree that these men, women, and children are worthy. They matter. Bibles verses like the Isaiah 58:6-7 and Matthew 25:35-36 came alive.

Does it matter? YES. We may not completely understand a need or be able to name who is in need, but that is okay. God knows the need and the name. He accepts fill-in-the-blank-prayers as eagerly as we accept blank checks. All he desires is a broken and contrite heart, someone who believes that the need is significant and the needed is worthy...someone with a heart that is humbly poured out.

 

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

   and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

   and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

   and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,

   and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? (Isaiah 58:6–7)

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. (Matthew 25:35–36)