A mustard-seed-mountain-moving faith

I was ¾ of the way through my training schedule when God said something that blew my mind away. Seriously. It challenged everything I knew – or thought I knew – about him.

I was crunching the numbers, calculating how many miles I could run, how many miles I needed to run, and how many days I had left to train. Trust me things were not looking good. I was behind on my training and it wasnt for lack of trying, which added even more stress. Then, as I drowned in distress, God gave me a modern, and very intimate, example of a mustard-seed-mountain-moving faith. Such a faith would look like this: A runner, forsaking their training schedule, yet stepping up to the starting line completely confident that the race is as good as won. No preparation needed, no hundred plus miles logged, just a complete and utter trust in God. (To drive this point home, for those that are not familiar with a half marathon training schedule, imagine anything you have strived to conquer, and then imagine being asked to forsake all preparation yet promised that you would still be a conqueror.) That image entered my mind and I began to cry. I cried in awe of Christ. I cried with a longing to have such a faith to move mountains beyond my justification. And, I cried for every man and women that is trying to earn their way to heaven’s finish line.

When it comes to being reconciled to God, Jesus is our training schedule. He is the way and the truth and the life. Only through Christ will we cross heaven’s finish line. Even more glorious and mind boggling, is the training schedule that Christ has outlined because it is not about us, what we can do or what we can train to do.

Yesterday I ran a half marathon. I spent months training for this run and still found it to be a huge challenge. After I signed up for the race (in March) I was pretty confident. I remember thinking, “I’ve got this in the bag! All I need to do is follow the training schedule.” And then my body failed me. There were days my legs were so weak that I had to grip the handle bars on the treadmill to sustain my body.  Frustrated, I realized that I was in over my head. The whole follow-the-training-schedule plan was not working. It took me weeks to recognize my arrogance. Yes, arrogance. (I know - I was confused too). God showed me that saying "I've got this" not only was not possible, it was not pleasing. What’s wrong with wanting to overcome an obstacle?  Doesn’t God want me to step outside my comforts and self-imposed limits?

God showed me that saying “I can” is just as arrogant as saying “I cannot”. I know – I bet you are confused too. So what can we say? How about this: He can! I can do all things through he who strengthens me means that whatever we strive for will be accomplished in result of our belief in Christ and not a hope vested in ourselves or others.

I crossed the finish line yesterday but it was not as imagined. Humbling would be the best word to describe it. My body failed me at about mile 10 with three miles between myself and the finish line. At about mile 11 a woman came and joined me. She ran beside me the rest of the way, bringing me water and encouragement. I would be wrong not to remember her in recalling my victory. She was definitely real. 

After I crossed the finish line a women said to me, "Well, maybe next time you will train better." Maybe I will - if there is a next time. Time will tell if yesterday's race was my inaugural and commemorative race. Whatever happens on earth, at least, I'm ready to cross heaven's finish line. And, my heart is more burdened for those that are not ready, for those who are at their 10th mile and need a savior.

Believing Jesus Christ is the Son of God, was crucified for our sin, and was accepted by God as a worthy sacrificial offering for our sin - that is the training schedule that will get you to heaven's finish line.

John 14:5-6
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way? Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. 

Matthew 17:20

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Philippians 4:12-13

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Romans 8:37-39

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Confessions of a PK

Mom, dad, and me at Seaworld

I write ‘PK’ –Preacher’s Kid– because my father serves God in a pastoral role. But since I’m 25 I wonder, does the K in PK still apply? I don’t think I will ever shake it! But let the record show that I have grown leaps and bounds in maturity since I last sat on the receiving end of a flannel-board bible story lesson.

So much of who I am today is a result of who my parents are. I think that is the case of any person, no matter their parent’s calling. My parent’s calling had a particular influence on my life because the arena in which my spiritual formation with Christ and with the Church directly intersected. 

Lately I’ve been asking myself, what do you wish you knew then (as a young PK) that you know now (as a older PK)?

I’d like to know as a young PK what I am beginning to understand today as a seminary wife, what it means to be entrusted with the Gospel. Not entitled, entrusted. Full-time ministry is a burdensome call, yet a humbling one too. My parents loved the Church. They genuinely were excited to go and worship God at church. Their friendly faces at church were (and are) real. Which was not always the case for mine, but as I grew older God opened my heart and I went from respecting their passion to sharing it.

Sometimes I was confused by my parents, especially since their boss, God, is a mysterious. It is hard to comprehend God’s timing. I am sure there were times I said things like, “You did what?” and “I’m not doing that!” I was also  confused by the conflict in our church and hurt by judging eyes directed toward my family. Our church was small and those that attended were not just congregants, many became (and are) intimate family friends. I think it was good for me to experience confusion, conflict and judgment, because later when I experienced such unfortunates in the para church organization I was leading, my parents knew just how to comfort me. All my dad had to say was, “sheep bite.” It’s been neat to share similar experiences, its helped ease the inflicted pain.

My most treasured perk as a PK was the willingness of the congregation to know and love me. They were burdened for my parents and therefore became burdened for me and my sisters. As a PK, community was handed to me on a silver spoon. The opportunities to make friends, be encouraged, and be pursued were endless. This treasured perk sometimes resulted in pride and self-entitlement. But God in his grace took extra measure to ensure I stayed meek and humble. And I’m thankful for the grace the congregation extended to me.

I did not realize the depth of my shy nature until I was a college freshman on the hunt for a new community of believers. Before college began, God impressed on my heart that he wanted me to get more out of my college experience than a diploma, he wanted me to know him more. And in order for this to occur I knew I needed to step outside of my comfort and seek a new community of believers. This challenge resulted in feeling the weakest and most insecure that I had ever felt before. I had never met so many people that did not know me! It was a good learning experience and grew my heart for the strangers that had stepped into my father’s church. It also opened my eyes to see people on the fringes of society.

Advice for PKs: Carry your cross and deny yourself, don’t deny Christ and/or the Church. I believe PKs are more prone to flying the coop, moving out of their childhood home and leaving the Church. Why? Because I was quite close to doing such! It takes courage, initiative, faith, and trust for a PK to continue living in Christ after they stop living with their parents. They’ve seen the good, bad, and the ugly. Ministry in messy, but since we all are sinners I'm not sure we can escape that messiness...unless we live in a cave. A visit to the dentist will always be painful, but its needed. I could go an visit a new dentist office, but the tools (especially the needle they use to numb your gums) will likely be used by that office too.

Satan tried to hold me back, he tried keeping me hung up on the past, and he tried to usher in habits that led me away from Christ but Christ was patient, faithful and strong. Christ helped me appreciate the good, bad and the ugly I saw in the Church. And now, I understand my past better and appreciate it. All the while, God put a personal twist on my relationship with him, which was so need after my parent’s faith felt so large. Church, being a part of the body of Christ, became more than a family tradition, it is a personal conviction.

Sharing my parent’s spotlight was great! But now, as an older PK, I want my own spotlight! Not for my glory, but for God’s. I want his light to shine vibrantly out from me. I want to experience God pouring out his blessing upon me because I choose him. (Yes, choose, because God has much more planned for us than our conversion).